Wretched Redeemed Writer

I love you dad (a poem)

There was always an outlet for me. But to run, I needed to be plugged into it, but I wasn’t. So all my little dirty secrets and fantasies turned into nonsense.

How can this make sense? These things didn’t have to be! How can that be? When all I ever needed was you to fuel me and give me that young energy.

What do you expect huh? You can’t act like the way I turned out was the way you planned it. NAH! I’ve been hurt, been worse.

Been down a lot. Hit the bottom plenty of times thankfully I didn’t rot… before I saw a light to speak life into me and give me a new meaning and make me eternally clean.

You see that place of despair is so close to hell I would rather just be there than to feel like you never cared…

But I love you anyway; so much more than you will ever know. …My heart breaks for you dad, and for that, ill make sure I see my babies grow.

Thank you dad, for doing your best. You were there when you wanted to be, so I guess at best..you were honest with me, about showing me exactly how not to be.

It has taught me more by the age of 36 than a lot of people realize. Even through all that pain I want you to see it through my eyes.

I don’t do this to hurt you. That doesn’t even come close. I do this because of how much I love you dad, cause if I didn’t, I would have let go a long time ago.

Do you feel my pain? Do you feel my pain!? This is love for you! Not selfish gain, I ain’t down for those self-motivated silly games.

I love you so much dad this is the only way to express it. If you could see me now you would say that I am a child you were truly blessed with.

I’m holding on dad! I will never let go. I chose to hang on through these tough challenges because you gave me the option to.

I have yelled. I have screamed. I have done and said things that I wish I didn’t mean.

I can say I didn’t mean them but I’m reminded of why I said them. At the time I’m caught up in the action which caused my outbursts. Some of the way I reacted is remembered as the worst.

Why couldn’t I be gentle? Why couldn’t I just show what I desired to see? Maybe because I had never seen it. I wish I knew what it was like to be caught up in love and a gentle spirit.

But I have to learn this lesson whether easy or hard, cause in my life, Its only Christ who has kept me thus far.

I love you dad. Don’t be embarrassed. What your oldest son has written here should give you some hope, maybe something to remember; maybe something to cherish.

I love you dad.

2 responses to “I love you dad (a poem)”

  1. sund.66 Avatar
    sund.66

    Thank you!! You are brutally honest, and once again… you are writing about LIFE here on earth! And God, the Lord Christ Jesus, “allowed” this to happen—precisely to “draw you closer to God’s own heart”!! I KNOW this!! I recognize it from my own upbringing… rejected… lonely… rendered invisible… abused… Yet, you express your feelings and thoughts in such a way that it’s as if I had written it myself!! You love your father—only Christ Jesus within you could have revealed these “depths of the soul” to you… you love your father, despite everything… I know what you are feeling!! You are in God’s care and under His protection!! You have been LOVED since before the foundation of the world!! You are undoubtedly a blessing to your family—a young man who spreads Light, Truth, peace, and joy to those around you!I am convinced that you are a good husband and a good father to your children!!I have sons of my own… and I love them with all my heart!! It isn’t always necessary to preach or evangelize about Christ Jesus to them (my own children)—though that is important, too!!—but simply to be “present”… to understand the wounds they are going through… to tell them that I love them… Oh, forgive me… you already know all of this!!I’m just “writing straight from the heart” right now… it’s early in the morning… and I never “plan what I’m going to write”!!))You’ve truly grasped it!! For many years, I wondered why certain things happened in my life… I felt angry and hurt by my parents and siblings. Then, I heard something very clearly in my heart—Jesus said: “Forgive! Just as I have forgiven you!” And I did! It wasn’t that I had the strength within myself to forgive, but the Holy Spirit broke through, and the peace and love I felt were indescribable! My earthly father has passed away, but my mother is still alive—she is 86 years old! I pray for her every day, and we get along well, but I still cannot truly reach her; she remains locked within the Lutheran faith. Forgive me—I’m writing too much here!

    I would just like to include a short chapter by someone I don’t (or didn’t) know, named Collin Urquhart—from a book he was instructed to write by God, the Almighty Lord Christ Jesus! The book is titled: “To My Dear Child”… (I don’t know which church denomination Collin belonged to, or whether he was a true follower of Christ Jesus… but I CHOOSE to believe he was a man of God… I only know that when I first started reading this book, God spoke to my heart—POWERFULLY!!! (And I am not one who typically enjoys “books” written by many so-called Christians… but this book felt personal… God knows it!! I thank Christ Jesus for you, and I pray for you and yours!)

    God bless you, dear brother in Christ Jesus!

    (Here is a short excerpt from one of the chapters)

    I Watch Over You ( 26 )

    My dear child, I knew you before you were born.You were the object of My longing and love even when I was planning your life.You wonder how this can be true, given that you are just one among thousands.I see that many are deliberately disobedient toward Me.But I have ordained that, in every generation, there should be those who are My special possession.They fulfill the desire of My heart and radiate My glory in their lives.You are one such person, My child.I watched over your birth, your parents, and your family.This surprises you, as your childhood and youth were far from perfect.There have been many hardships and sorrows. Did I plan these? Well, My child, I brought you through them all—didn’t I?Those difficulties were important for the formation of your character, and for teaching you to look toward… …me, and to be dependent on My love.Growing up is quite painful, isn’t it? All the tensions you had to go through, and the questions.This is an unavoidable process. You had to go through it—but look at you now!You have a heart full of love for Me, and the rest of your life lies ahead of you!!!You can love and serve Me for the rest of your life, and you shall be with Me in Glory for all eternity!! ❤The certainty of this is a comfort, isn’t it?Do not fear what lies ahead. If I could lead you through the troubles of the past, I can certainly lead you through the experiences of the future.I have seen new life emerge from you throughout all these developmental processes.Since you placed your faith in Jesus, My Spirit has produced fruit in more and more areas of your life.I watch over this process, and it truly brings Me joy.You have no idea how much delight it stirs in My heart. I love seeing Myself reflected in My children.This makes them truly happy and content. I love seeing My joy break through in you. You are learning to rejoice in Me, even when circumstances seem very difficult. I have been good to you, haven’t I?

    **

    Psalm 139:13–16Romans 11:5

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  2. sund.66 Avatar
    sund.66

    Oh, I forgot to add… I have asked those I have wronged to forgive me… from the heart!

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